🐠 How to buy happiness for less than $30 (not s*xual, mostly)

Today, I’m taking a moment (you’re welcome) to share my algorithm with you (minus the septum ring f*tish content). These are the stories, tools, and d*ldos that made it inside of me this week.

Any attempt to forward this email to a friend or foreign dignitary will result in an assassination attempt (botched).

Yours in net girth,

— Kevin O’Really from Shart Taint🫃

P.S. - I finally joined "LinkedIn" to network with fellow uncles and share landlord tips (just the tips). Follow me for constant grindset.

P.P.S - Many will follow. Few will add Entrapranure to their work experience section on LinkedIn… be few. If you read this newsletter, I grant you the right to add Entrapranure to your LinkedUncle résumé. DM me on LinkedIn once you are done, and I’ll send you a surprise.

You’ve had that moment. Walking into a call, scrolling through old emails, trying to remember what you promised. Lindy texts you a brief 15 minutes before: attendee context, past discussions, open items, talking points. All pulled automatically. Try Lindy free.

Try free today

According to true scientific research done by real science scientists (my Super PAC paid for it), it is both possible and insanely cheap to buy happiness.

I already knew this (anyone who has visited the streets of Thailand knows this).

The new 2026 World Happiness Report (basic consumer propaganda strategy) proves that it is 100% possible to purchase happiness (this is not a paid advertisement for the Fl*shlight, but it should be).

I’m going to share with you the proven products you can purchase right now that science proves can make you happier (joy is cheap; pain and wealth are forever).

And far more important than these scientists pointed out…

Remember: Only consumers can be happier (I asked China to make sure).

Consumer that again. Again.

Welcome to my Write Me Again Answer-Fiesta® Q&A Mailbag sponsored by Wendy’s (the other ones, not the fresh ones).

Allow me to make you 9% smarter today while I answer your most closeted edging questions.

(Reminder: all question-askers are now legally obligated to wire me their annual salary for my time.)

But first… last week’s vote (this isn’t a democracy, I’m still in charge).

Last week, I asked if Sterling M. should tip their landlord $250T.

60% of you nephews said: “Anything less than $1Q is pointless.” I tend to agree…

A few top comments from the thought leaders who responded:

Now, onto this week’s questions…

Nolan C. asked on LinkedIn:

I get all of my advice from you, and I am only down $20,000 this month. I play the long game.

Thank you for the question, Noodle, I appreciate hearing from a future tycoon who is still in the stage of counting 5-figures (eventually you will only count in 7-figures+).

But onto your question. The answer is: this isn’t actually a question.

Few understand how a question works, and you are well on your way. Next time, I highly recommend you ask something followed by a question mark (this: ?).

That said, I know what you mean (I can read minds ever since the experiments).

If you continue to follow my mastermind course, you will inherit a net girth greater than your dreams (disclaimer: may bleed cash until then). But remember, it’s not about cash, it’s about girth.

Question everything again. Questions?

Kabilan B. asked on Instagram:

Trolley problem: pull the lever, your uncle dies. Don’t pull, your landlord dies. What would u do.

Kalie, thank you for the question. (And you’re welcome for the answer.)

What I’m going to start with is encouraging you to cultivate an Uncle Abundance mindset. It’s the polar opposite of a Landlord Scarcity mindset.

I offer a more detailed answer in my 3-day Baiter (master) and Lamb Chop Sommelier Wilderness Course ($8k/org*sm), but I’ll share a brief answer here as well.

The Trolley Problem is a classic scarcity equation. But the answer is rather simple…

Begin by taking out a 10X net worth life insurance policy on all of your richest uncles and tippiest landlords.

Then run that trolley all day long on every track (ignoring death keeps cortisol low).

You can always attain more uncles and landlords (abundance).

You can never take out excessive life insurance (scarcity).

Trolley me flat. Few.

Plat O. asked on Instagram:

Can my newborn become billionaire? He is doing his Masters from Harvard.

You’re in the right place, Play-Doh. The movie Boss Baby is an autobiographical work about my wealthmaxxed infancy.

First, I highly recommend that your newborn specialize in finance and maximize their credit load with secret society extracurriculars (example: Skull and Bones intramural field hockey).

Then, on graduation, burn the degree.

Higher education is generally known to be a scam. On graduation, invest all accrued student debt into rare metals ETFs and retire before age 2.

Many lose. This is how my fewborns win.

Art G. asked on Instagram:

Rare shrimps futures or rare fish market? I liquidated 1 kidney stone/gem, and I’m ready to invest.

Anthony, well asked. First, let me congratulate you on entering the rare gems (kidney stone) market.

Painful? Perhaps (for the weak-minded). Profitable? Infinitely. (Dehydration + green tea = limitless earning potential.)

You’re on the right track seeking to transfer renewable resources into high-margin investments (fish, shrimp, commercial ladles, etc.).

But you’ll need to determine your portfolio makeup based on your own personal level of risk aversion. Consider how close you are to retirement, how many uncles you plan to reward, whether you’ve been to Mongolia - you see what I mean?

Diversify your portfolio onto high risk (shrimp futures) and low risk (rare fish) investments. (Could be the other way around.)

See what I mean? Many shrimp, either way.

*Send me your questions on LinkedIn or Instagram to receive a custom answer in next week’s mastermind email (invoice too)*

Since reading again, the average Read That Again subscriber starts a reverse Ponzi scheme (upside down). Your friends deserve to join in (they asked me for it).

Use your custom referral link to invite a fellow girlboss to subscribe to Read That Again. 

Send the poorest person you know your referral link, coerce them into subscribing, and then disable your gag reflex, because you’re about to receive a load of knowledge when you least expect it.

Why I Became the Bottleneck in My Own Company — and What I Had to Change to Finally Scale

I have quite literally never worked for even an hour in one of my own companies. Work that again. Never.

True entrapranures understand that they must never bottleneck operations (or neck bottles with an intern, no comment).

Begin every business with a loan of at least $200k to pay your first employee. This immediately frees up your time to run another business (hire someone else).

Get out of your own way…

3 Ways To Stay Top Of Mind In An Overcrowded Digital World

I hired someone to read this article (illiterate-maxxing), and it’s terrible.

The “advice” is to do everything exactly the same as everyone else: make content, engage with your audience, use automation.

And people say I create business advice brainrot…

Want 3 ways to really make your brand stand out?

Peter Thiel's move to Argentina reflects a growing trend among billionaires seeking a 'plan B' abroad

I’ve noted every billionaire who has abandoned Lady Liberty in her hour of need, and I will never forget (may need a couch to crash on).

We will return when income tax is abolished.

Read this again: Dress for the (blow)job you want, not the (hand)job you have.

I’ve prepared an outrageous selection of high-fashion, hand-tailored outerwear stitched for you by my personal collection of Malaysian child laborers.

Go out into the world and begin adding to your net worth. As Amy Poehler once shouted due to her clinical inability to whisper:

That said…

Tell my assistant’s data scientist what you think: