Salutations rich uncles and rare fish collectors,
Today, I’m taking a moment (you’re welcome) to share my algorithm with you (minus the steroid content). These are the stories, tools, and d*ldos that made it inside of me this week.
Put yourself into an ill-defined box to maxx your productivity
Sporting events are how the middle class can learn to create wealth (works every time)
Elon Musk reminds us all that money and happiness are the same
Not everyone is cut out to be a business owner
Olympic skiers are getting a procedure that I’ll never need
Any attempt to forward this email to a friend or foreign dignitary will result in an assassination attempt (botched).
Yours in net girth,
— Satoshi Nakamoto🫃
SORT YOURSELF SILLY (POST-NUT LEADERSHIP)
Story time… When I was 11 years old, I received a certain letter to attend a certain school of witchcraft (not that one). On arrival, a hat tried to sort me into one of four personality types.
But my salary demands exceeded all four. I was (or worse) expelled instantly (kept the robes).
The lesson? Never define yourself by a stereotype. But an archetype? Those can pay millions (in Bitcoin, sadly).
Consider the latest trend in corporate lexicon-maxxing: Agility Quotent (AQ). In layman’s terms, it’s a person's ability to adapt to change (CEO material).
And it turns out there are 4 archetypes of AQ…
The Neurosurgeon (translation: Rich Uncle Maxxer)
The perfectionist type who prefers order and routine. I can’t relate. My parents rewarded me for bad grades to break my spirit (worked).
The Novelist (translation: Rare Fish Investor)
The type who seeks freedom and autonomy for power. This is not useful for the average corporate drone (you).
The Firefighter (translation: Landlord Tipper)
The type of person who feels calm in a bad situation. I remember exactly how I felt when the Titanic sank… (Calm, obviously. I was in a movie theater watching).
The Astronaut (translation: Sigma Male)
The creative type who seeks out their passion in work. Remove yourself from anyone who feels passionate about working. Why? Because they should prefer profits to meaningful work.
However you choose to sort yourself, know that there will always be a secret 5th archetype that the elites don’t want you to know about (it’s “The Crack Addict” and it’s the most powerful).
SPORTSBALLS ON YOUR CHIN
Productivity hack inbound.
I hardly have time to watch sports between my live feeds with Clavicular and my board obligations (Feet Finder).
However, I take the time to tune in once a year to the “big game.”
Not live, of course… I always purchase an advanced copy of the Super Bowl from an anonymous contact at the NFL. That way, I can watch the game and advertisements on Saturday and free up my Sunday for eating Chick-fil-A.
Every year, I take away at least one key business lesson from the spectacle. Usually, it’s that Hanson should play the halftime show. I bought their catalog of music in 1997.
Other publishers claim to take away a total of 7 business lessons from the big game (none of which sound remotely like AI-written concept-slop).
My favorite of these 7 lessons?
“Teams beat stars when the stakes are highest.”
Too true in the world of business, football, and adult filmmaking. Few understand it’s the gang that does the banging, not the mattress actress on the thumbnail (‘bate and switch).
TRAINED EYE
Just the tip of the content that my team of child prodigies is currently siphoning via a backdoor API to train my proprietary LLM.
No matter your net worth, there will always be parties you aren’t invited to…
Right, Elon?
Strong advice from “Entrepreneur.com” (obviously an accidental misspelling) that entrapranures should quit and get a 9 to 5. Proof that the elite don’t want you to be a failed business owner.
People think this use case is the only upshot of penis injections, but that’s a popular misconception. Few understand that it’s also useful for augmenting your sexual attractiveness and personal confidence.
We came (I did), we saw, we conquered.
Go out into the world and begin adding to your net worth. As Michael Cera once told me after an advanced screening of Stupidbad:
Read that again.
Alphas don’t concern themselves with your opinion.
That said…
Tell my assistant’s data scientist what you think: